Last Sunday was Father's day. I went to the columbarium where my father's ashes was stored. I had bought some camelia roses. They are supposed to last longer in this sweltering heat. My father had always appreciated some nice flowers with nice fragrances.
Ryan was with me.But I felt that he was abit uncomfortable. I never asked him why? Maybe to a kid, this is such a horrible place, where bones are kept! I understand that. I mean as a child, when I have to follow my parents to pay respect to my grandparents, i too felt very uncomfortable.
We did not stayed too long. maybe about 15mins or so. I wiped his stone tablet clean. His photo has just been put up. And there was some dust on it. I carried a 1way conversation in my heart. Although I suspect, at times, I must have mumured it out loud. Cause Ryan would turn around and asked me " Are you crying?" As we were preparing to leave, I remembered that I hadn't wish my father happy Father's day. I turned around and whispered to him, "Happy father's day! It is my 1st Father's day without you! I couldn't help it. My eyes turned red. Deep in my heart, I know if souls really exist, My dad would be looking at my back as we left. I guess I do miss you more than I cared to admit it,
Today is the 1st month of his death anniversary. Time had passes by.,the earth is still moving but my world is no longer the same. I spend the last few weeks remembering things about my father, his life, his hobbies his friends, his work etc.
This picture was taken 2 Chinese New Year ago. ( pre diagnosis state) My sister's friend from Austria came and had dinner with us.
yah i think it's a good idea to write about him. may be then we'll recall more about him.
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