These 2 weeks there had been a nagging voice inside me. Maybe it was saying goodbye to a old year and saying hello to a new year fills me with a lot of emotions. I had been trying to keep track of some old friends but apparently or strangely, it had been hard.I can't seem to get hold of any of them. And they more or less belong to the same cliche. I can't help but being suspicious. Are they avoiding me? But I can't figure out where did I done wrong, if they are avoiding me? I am usually careful with my words and mindful of my actions towards my friends. As I try to back track and figure out where I gone wrong, I can't help but wonder about an incident that happen about 5mths ago.
Let's call her X. She texted me out of the blue 1 day,asking me to take her in. I was stunned for a while but recovered composure to ask her what is wrong? She had been kicked out of the apartment she was sharing with her boyfriend. They broke up for a couple of reasons which I shall not elaborate further. After listening to her, I told her very gently that I can't put her for too long as I have intentions to renovate my place, my sis will need a place to stay when she comes back for her vacations and generally I have kids at home so it could be inconvenient.
I thought we ended quite amicably as she seem to understand and digest what I said pretty well. Since that fateful call, I hadn't heard from her, well not quite voluntarily. I have to call her a few times before she would answer my calls. She said she had been busy.
So I couldn't help but wonder whether is it be that she had been avoiding me and complaining to anyone who will listen to her. Seriously I am tempted to find out what is wrong. Maybe I should. After all she owe me her life. Maybe I will call her when day breaks. Alright! To be continued ...
Monday, January 11, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
Project compeletion?? Well, almost there
One of the main reason that I hadn't been writing regularly was my house was under going renovations for the past few months. It had been a long long process and although the time taken had been extraordinary long, I was pretty pleased with the end results. That I have to thank my PILS because if not for their generosity, I will never be able to achieved it.
All of it was paid for my PILs. A lot of the raw materials, accessories were all bought in China where my FIL likes to be most of the time. But I must say, I was embarrassed to take advantage of their generosity. And was in constant reminder to myself not to exceed the budget given. Everything was discussed with my FIL, and relay to my MIL.
As I sat in my dining area the other night, I was happy. Well, in my little heaven. Until, 1 of my friend's wife who happen to be also an ID. I did ask her to quote me but as her quote was much higher and FIL wasn't familiar with her work, we gave the project to another ID who worked with us on my walk in and cupboards in my rooms and also @ pasir panjang. She belong to the Romantic types who would filled a space with lace and velvet! ( Not exactly what I was looking for. I was looking for light, airy and space for the 2 kids) Anyway she came over that night, she scrutinised and turn her little nose at my tiles and toilet accessories. (They came from China). She also find fault with my wood laminates. She insisted that she had never seen this pattern before, And although it looks nice, she is not sure where it is from as she had never see it, therefore it might be from China!. She falls short of saying SUBSTANDARD. She says she never likes using stuff from China as they never meet her requirements, poor quality , not worth the trouble blah blah blah
To me, it doesn't matter where they came from as long as the standard was there. Made in China 's products could be high quality too as long as U are willing to pay. There is always a market for good quality. After all China had been producing 90% of the world's consumables so I honestly feel what I have is on par for quality. And most importantly, it is through my PIL's generous and giving nature that enable me to transform it to my dream hang out. That I will forever be grateful and remember. No other people's opinions matter to me nor dampens my mood. And I feel if U are my friend, then U should rejoice with me, instead of picking on it. This is definitely one of the qualities that I look for in a friend
All of it was paid for my PILs. A lot of the raw materials, accessories were all bought in China where my FIL likes to be most of the time. But I must say, I was embarrassed to take advantage of their generosity. And was in constant reminder to myself not to exceed the budget given. Everything was discussed with my FIL, and relay to my MIL.
As I sat in my dining area the other night, I was happy. Well, in my little heaven. Until, 1 of my friend's wife who happen to be also an ID. I did ask her to quote me but as her quote was much higher and FIL wasn't familiar with her work, we gave the project to another ID who worked with us on my walk in and cupboards in my rooms and also @ pasir panjang. She belong to the Romantic types who would filled a space with lace and velvet! ( Not exactly what I was looking for. I was looking for light, airy and space for the 2 kids) Anyway she came over that night, she scrutinised and turn her little nose at my tiles and toilet accessories. (They came from China). She also find fault with my wood laminates. She insisted that she had never seen this pattern before, And although it looks nice, she is not sure where it is from as she had never see it, therefore it might be from China!. She falls short of saying SUBSTANDARD. She says she never likes using stuff from China as they never meet her requirements, poor quality , not worth the trouble blah blah blah
To me, it doesn't matter where they came from as long as the standard was there. Made in China 's products could be high quality too as long as U are willing to pay. There is always a market for good quality. After all China had been producing 90% of the world's consumables so I honestly feel what I have is on par for quality. And most importantly, it is through my PIL's generous and giving nature that enable me to transform it to my dream hang out. That I will forever be grateful and remember. No other people's opinions matter to me nor dampens my mood. And I feel if U are my friend, then U should rejoice with me, instead of picking on it. This is definitely one of the qualities that I look for in a friend
Friday, January 1, 2010
New year, New hope and New begining
1st day of the year. Let me start by recounting the old year. I remember my wish for last year was for my dad to go through chemo successfully and better results for Ryan. Alas, both did not came through. Friends and family members had let me down. I felt like I was shouldering the whole world! I dread calls coming through my mobile. I had difficulty sleeping which is very very seldom. I feel like I was living in a world of my own (well, most times. Especially when I walked back from the hospital after visiting my father)
My dad succumbed to his illness in May. It was difficult for me to get used to the idea that he wasn't going to be around anymore. I was miserable although I wasn't sure whether is it normal to feel this way or was I exaggerating my pain? Was it bitterness directed at my mother or was it self pity? Bitterness because of the way my mother had treated my father before and after his death. The things she did and said to others that make me felt very repulsive towards her. Self pity for myself as my father was no longer here with me and couldn't hear me grumble or nag. I told myself I am too young to lose my father! The things he would have said to me, and do for me, the visits to his doctors, and perhaps his corny jokes etc.... Oh, before I forgot, his afternoon karaoke sessions. All these and so much more.
Ryan did not do as well as I had hoped. Although it was disappointing, I had since reconciled to it. At least he did not do as badly as he would have if given his choice! I will be spending even lesser time with him in 2010 as I will be going back to work. Hopefully he will grow up a little and study a bit more. He could have achieved so much better if he would just put his head down to studying a little harder. And Ryan! if U happen to be reading, I hope U will understand I have so much hope for U. I still do and U can do it if U are willingly to.
Although I hated and dread the idea of Amber going to school so young, I guess there is no better way as there are no other choices or options left. When they bought the subject up in Sept, I was originally led to believed that the kids would be taken care of by my PILS. As put across during that meeting, BIL said that since they would both be available, they would look after the 2 kids. naturally I felt better. I said that would be most ideal as Ryan is having PSLE and if there was someone to nag him ,at least I can be sure that he will study. and also his tuitons, I would need them to ferry him if necessary. That wasn't the best that I can come up with but at least I feel I can trust MIL. Anyway, throughout that meeting, PILS did not say anything at all. They just start there stony faced, which I found it puzzling, given MIL's 'spicy' loud character. It is surprising that she said nothing. Anyway to cut a story short, 2 mths after that, she asked me why am I not and when am I putting Amber to full day child care? Honestly even though I have half suspect that she is not willing to play the role of the doting grandma. I was still hit. I replied I actually has no intention to put her through full day child care. I want her to just go for half day lessons. And also with full day childcare, there is higher cost to it. She told me not in these exact words but something like she would not be able to do that. Blah Blah Blah. And it is best Amber goes to a full day as she would be able to learn instead of doing nothing at home etc. The list came loud and fast. So in short, no one to lie back on. As I let out a grumble to T that night. I said I wasn't actually upset at anyone in particular but at the way things turn out. It hit me BIL did not discuss anything with PILS prior to talking to me. He was acting out his eldest son's role. He wanted his parents to retired from work completely. He took for granted that his parents will take care of their only 2 grandkids but it is only his own personal thinking and they would not. It is so him. I felt I had raised my hopes too fast and too high. I had been naive to believe in that instant that I could rely on others. So perhaps I was upset with myself! Of course, given FIL's wanderlust character and MIL's unwillingness to settle into domestic goddess. I am left with no other options.
As the year draws to a close, I asked myself whether am I looking forward to a brand new year, a new house decor, a job and Ryan's incoming PSLE. Honestly I am not too sure. But I cannot not look forward and wish for the best. So wish me luck
My dad succumbed to his illness in May. It was difficult for me to get used to the idea that he wasn't going to be around anymore. I was miserable although I wasn't sure whether is it normal to feel this way or was I exaggerating my pain? Was it bitterness directed at my mother or was it self pity? Bitterness because of the way my mother had treated my father before and after his death. The things she did and said to others that make me felt very repulsive towards her. Self pity for myself as my father was no longer here with me and couldn't hear me grumble or nag. I told myself I am too young to lose my father! The things he would have said to me, and do for me, the visits to his doctors, and perhaps his corny jokes etc.... Oh, before I forgot, his afternoon karaoke sessions. All these and so much more.
Ryan did not do as well as I had hoped. Although it was disappointing, I had since reconciled to it. At least he did not do as badly as he would have if given his choice! I will be spending even lesser time with him in 2010 as I will be going back to work. Hopefully he will grow up a little and study a bit more. He could have achieved so much better if he would just put his head down to studying a little harder. And Ryan! if U happen to be reading, I hope U will understand I have so much hope for U. I still do and U can do it if U are willingly to.
Although I hated and dread the idea of Amber going to school so young, I guess there is no better way as there are no other choices or options left. When they bought the subject up in Sept, I was originally led to believed that the kids would be taken care of by my PILS. As put across during that meeting, BIL said that since they would both be available, they would look after the 2 kids. naturally I felt better. I said that would be most ideal as Ryan is having PSLE and if there was someone to nag him ,at least I can be sure that he will study. and also his tuitons, I would need them to ferry him if necessary. That wasn't the best that I can come up with but at least I feel I can trust MIL. Anyway, throughout that meeting, PILS did not say anything at all. They just start there stony faced, which I found it puzzling, given MIL's 'spicy' loud character. It is surprising that she said nothing. Anyway to cut a story short, 2 mths after that, she asked me why am I not and when am I putting Amber to full day child care? Honestly even though I have half suspect that she is not willing to play the role of the doting grandma. I was still hit. I replied I actually has no intention to put her through full day child care. I want her to just go for half day lessons. And also with full day childcare, there is higher cost to it. She told me not in these exact words but something like she would not be able to do that. Blah Blah Blah. And it is best Amber goes to a full day as she would be able to learn instead of doing nothing at home etc. The list came loud and fast. So in short, no one to lie back on. As I let out a grumble to T that night. I said I wasn't actually upset at anyone in particular but at the way things turn out. It hit me BIL did not discuss anything with PILS prior to talking to me. He was acting out his eldest son's role. He wanted his parents to retired from work completely. He took for granted that his parents will take care of their only 2 grandkids but it is only his own personal thinking and they would not. It is so him. I felt I had raised my hopes too fast and too high. I had been naive to believe in that instant that I could rely on others. So perhaps I was upset with myself! Of course, given FIL's wanderlust character and MIL's unwillingness to settle into domestic goddess. I am left with no other options.
As the year draws to a close, I asked myself whether am I looking forward to a brand new year, a new house decor, a job and Ryan's incoming PSLE. Honestly I am not too sure. But I cannot not look forward and wish for the best. So wish me luck
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