Failure! But I hope there is still enough time to change. (part 1)

The resolution to try get along with my mother hadn't exactly take off or happen yet as there are times when I try but she will say something that makes me mad Or she will try but I don't have the patience or mood to reciprocate.
But then in Jan, 1 of my friend's mom collapsed from no apparent aliment and died on the route to hospital. That sort of shake me up a bit.
I got a call from my friend one evening. She was in tears and her words were all falling and jumping out, making them not audible. I had to slow her down before I managed to make any sense out of it.
Her mother had collapsed at the foot of her flat. She had complained of stomach pains in the late morning or early afternoon. So my friend's elder brother was going to bring their mother to a nearby GP. As they were making their way down, she realised that she had left her prescription or ID at home and ask her son to go up and locate it. In the meantime, she will wait for him at the staircase. He couldn't find it and went back to look for his mom. He found her lying down at the foot of the staircase, unconscious. He then hurriedly calls for an ambulance but they could not revived her.
By the time my friend was informed, her mother was gone. And the last time she seen the mother was 2 months ago. I will not go into details as it would be too judgemental. And who am I to judge? I was no saint myself.
Among us, we scurried around my friend for the next few days. Amid the emotions and actions, my friend found out the reason for her mother's sudden demise. She had suffered an heart attack. She never had this before or maybe my friend did not know. It suddenly dawned on me, that do we have an expiry date? And if we do, will we want to know when? And if we know, will we enjoy life to it's fullest and give it our best shot in everything we do or sit around whole day, moping and feeling scared? And when our time is up, will we ever feel that this is it and come to terms with it?
Or we do not know when, but when our time is up, we will just drop dead! Will it be easier this way? I asked one of my close friend K who was with me. We couldn't find the perfect answer. Either way, was not good enough.
As we send off the dead, K called her own mother and burst into tears, as she was telling her mother that she will want her own mother to outlive her as she will never ever muster up enough strength to go on living without her mother. I was envious. I also secretly wish I will pick up the phone and tell my mother the same thing. But I couldn't gather enough courage to do so and thus might have missed a good chance to patch things up with my mother
Days after the incident, I keep telling myself I had to treat my mother better. Well, I am still trying and I guess I will continue to remind myself to try harder